The Strangest Dream
by The Willow Maiden
Summary: Do you hate Mary Sues? Well guess what? Harry does too. To the point of crazy nightmares. WARNING: Crack fic! Please don't read if you don't like them.


**Hey all, I had sudden inspiration, and just had to write this. But I will warn you. It's a crack fic, don't read if you don't want to, I won't hold it against you.**

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Harry awoke with a start. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his sheets were drenched with sweat. Frantically he scrambled for his glasses and shoved them on his face, blinking madly to clear his vision. It took a minute or two, but he was eventually able to think straight. When that happened, he started to laugh, before shutting up as he remembered where he was. Lying still, he checked to see if the Dursleys were still snoring, they were.

Harry relaxed a bit. That was close. He really should be more careful, even with a dream as weird as that. Sitting up, he peeled the sheets off and got out of bed. The cool air hit him with sudden iciness and he shivered. Walking over to his desk, Harry sat down and pulled out some parchment, a quill and some ink. Sirius had to know about this. Dipping his quill in the ink, he began to write.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I just woke up from the strangest dream I could ever imagine, and I felt_

_the sudden need to tell someone, so here you go._

_It started off like my normal nightmares, but as soon as old Voldy turned green, I knew something was wrong. Yes, you read that right, Voldemort turned green. And I don't mean a slight green tinge, I mean full of lime green, like my eyes, but slightly more yellow. Then, as if he didn't look weird enough, his eyes turned purple, he grew blond wavy hair, and his nose formed. I swear he turned into a Mary Sue! You know, the ones always trying to get with Malfoy._

_Anyway, so Voldy turned into a green Mary Sue, then started chasing me around Riddle Manor. That's not the worst bit either, no. He was trying to KISS ME! The horror! I honestly thought I would die if that happened. But just as I thought I was going to escape, the dream, or nightmare, changed. Before I knew it, I was being chased around the quidditch pitch by Pansy Parkinson! PANSY PARKINSON! She was raving about how Malfoy had dumped her for Mouldy Shorts, and how I was the next best option. Me? Yeah right, with my scrawny physique and geeky glasses, but then the weirdest thing yet._

_Standing in my reflection, was the best looking guy I had ever seen in my whole life, and it took me a really long time to work out that it was me. And then as soon as I did, the boys from my dorm came in, gossiping about how I supposedly have dated every girl in the school! Every. Girl._

_After that, and yes, that means I'm not done. After that, I turned back to normal, but Hermione turned hot. And I mean HOT! Her hair went all silky and curly down to her waist, and she got curves, and her eyes changed to the most beautiful blue. It was only when she started talking I realised she had fallen to the curse of the Mary Sue as well! NOOOO! Not Hermione TOO!_

_Anyway, so after Hermione turned on us, she started hitting on Malfoy, even adopting Pansy's nickname of 'Drakie Poo" *shudder* It was so weird I locked myself in the boys dorm for ages, before the next strange occurrence. I lost control of my body, completely!_

_The dream me unlocked the door and waltzed straight on out. Into a world taken over by weird zombie like monsters and Mary Sues and the worst part, was Dumbledore and Snape. No, it's not what you think. They switched personalities. I could tell you all, but I've run out of parchment. I'll have to write later, if you actually want to know, that is._

_Your Godson,_

_Harry_

Harry, put down his quill and lent back in his chair. After getting most of it out he felt as if he could sleep now. Slowly, he got up and back into bed, he was asleep in seconds. Exhausted by the crazy happenings in the dream world. He would send the letter in the morning.

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**So, there you go. I hope you enjoyed it and it made you laugh. If this is the first of my stories you've read, don't worry, the others aren't anything like this!**

**A warning to flamers, don't waste your time. I don't care what you have to say, and this was just too fun to not post. I did warn you at the top what it was, so don't start complaining. If you really want to, flame away. See if I care.**

**I want to thank Simevra Lestrange for encouraging me to post this, and making the cover pic for me. Go check out her stories, she's awesome. Thanks for reading, please review.**

**-Willow**


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